| | Our commands are to love, not be loved. It is not a command to demand love or expect love or to ensure that we are loved. That should be in the bag. Fulfilled. It.Is.Done. Being loved is not something we should be seeking so desperately as the media guides us to because that was completed before our own birth. Christ's love for us is more than enough. Yet He reminds us the greatest commands are to love. It's an action. Verb.
But sometimes we seek love for ourselves so much (from others) that we forget to love our own self. To action that word to ourselves. Verb. Could we say it is a sin to loathe ourselves? Mind Race: David Crowder - You Make Everything Glorious. If we are God's workmanship created to do good works... isn't the greatest work, or, the greatest command to love? That one verse says a million and ten things.
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
1. I am God's workmanship. 2. I was created in Jesus. 3. Created to do good works. 4. God prepared me in advance. 5. To do good works.
Well, wow wow. I'm tempted to not even continue writing this entry but turn this into my Sunday message. But no. The beauty of these words and its gentle, sweet gentle way of reminding me who I am and what I am called to do.
There are so many who not only NOT love themselves... but hate themselves. They lose the sight of their beauty as well as the value in their life. I've questioned the value of my life. I wondered countless times how life would be like for so many people if I were never born. How this would have affected my mother, my daddy, my sister, etc. I especially wonder how this would affect my mother who bore me. Was I part of the plan? Was I expected or a mistake? The words of a speaker years ago resonates in my ears as he spoke the words he was told, "You are not a mistake" and it is God who creates. To dislike or despise myself is to dislike and despise God's creation. The pain of reality and life is often distracted by other pain. We cover pain with more pain. We conceal bruises with cuts.
Sometimes when I pray for this generation and my students and youth I have encountered I feel like I am internally bleeding. The pain is almost too real and the realization of hurt is too tangible. Does my heart break more so that they're hurting themselves deeper by addictions and self-inflicted pain to mask their hurt while Jesus is standing right there? Or is it the fact that I can see Jesus standing right there watching His babies hurt themselves deeper by addictions and self-inflicted pains? Sometimes I feel like I am internally bleeding. Jesus Christ bled.
If I could have the power to gather each and everyone of these and somehow internalize to them the Savior King and the beauty of who He is and the love that He gives (not gave, but gives as He is not the God of "I Was" but the God "I Am") I would. If I could soak in their depression, their brokenness, rage then I instantly would. Take it all inside of me. I'm not saying I can handle it better nor am I undermining their hurt but I know that my foundation in Christ will help me to surrender it at His feet. I will boldly say I wish I could take their pain. I've even prayed this for my mother (unrelated) as she lay once with one of her bad headaches. I prayed and asked if God could give me her headache and let me suffer for her. Oh how I long to do this. Then comes the frustration that this is all I can do. Long for it. I want to help, I want to heal, I want to teach, I want to love, I want to soak. They say that in itself is a gift. The heart I have for it and the desire and mercy in me. But I get so frustrated at times that all I can do is stand there and weep for my Lord's beloveds. Maybe I have a heart but I don't have the words or the feet or even the necessary tools. What kind of warrior am I who sits on the sidelines weeping for her fellow soldiers in battle yet is unable to slay the dragons myself? I trust that I am just a piece of the Body and what He gives me is for His glory and according to His wisdom. Still, I want to help them. Desperately. Loud desperation.
I've been praying and praying and asking and seeking of Him what it is He sees in me, love about me, values about me. He tells me it's my heart. I told my mom I want to go out and witness God's power. She said to me, "You are God's power". Maybe. Maybe it's time that I finally tell them. Mind Race: Shaun Groves - Should I Tell Them. I have never shared my deepest testimony. I think maybe, just maybe, it's time.
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| | Posted 6/25/2009 12:09 AM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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